I've never met a girl like her, so beautiful even an angel will bow down to her beauty. I always dream of being with her but such luxury I cannot afford, for I only a peasant of a feeling called love, which I need to pay dearly just to feel its warmth. Her smile so endearing it can melt my ice-cold heart, her voice so heavenly that it would calm a crying baby. Whenever she looked at me, i felt like my soul being ripped apart from my body but then revived again by the grace of god, as if I have looked something forbiddingly majestic and blissful.
It was last year i met her, sitting in a corner with my friends talking and chatting. We are at a feast made by my classmates to celebrate a holy day which we will celebrate once a year, just like christmas but for muslim. I remember that night, i watched her across the room, but too afraid to talk to her. My mouth shut tightly, my heart would stop and my breath felt heavier just thinking of talking to her. I kept my distance close enough to see her but far enough to raise suspicion. I took a moment to have a quick look upon her when I saw her beauty so mesmerising and captivating that I can't take my eyes off her. It was for this moment I praise to god who gave the blessing of seeing, and seeing her is the greatest gift I ever had.
Day by day passes by, as I waited for a chance to meet her again for I kept thinking about her all the time. My lonely heart was screaming and shouting to me to fill the void left by my past life and stitch the wound that still bled. Finally, the chance came and I knew i am not going to let it wasted. It was that evening something bad happen, something life-changing which I afraid may alter her perspective toward me. She never really knew me and spoke to me but for me, to love and admire her secretly is already delightful and enough, why would I change that? Turning the neutrality into hatred would be the last thing I want.
I know I have to fix this. I know I can. I have made a mistake so I got to take the responsibility. At first, I scared to death knowing that something bad will happen to her and she might hate me for the rest of her life so I prayed and prayed so that nothing bad will ever happen to her. And then, I saw a glimpse of hope as she started to recover. She glad that I am on her side, taking care of her and accompany her when she was ill.
Every time we were together, we laughed at each other jokes, we shared stories, we talked about our day, and we even shared our pain and sorrow. It felt like we complement each other perfectly, but everytime i think about it, I feel that there is a wall, so thick and tall which prevent us from getting together, the wall that I cannot breach, not with my current state. The wall is getting wider and wider, setting a great distance between us, so far that even her voice cannot reach me. Only the memory of us, the ghost of her reside in my head, which I intend to keep if ever the wall crumble down and we will be reunited again as we are supposed to be.
And now, I can only wait while I build and muster my strength so that one day, I am strong enough to be able to wreck those wall down, and let her into my life again. All I want is to see her laugh, her smile, listen to her stories and her jokes again and by that time, I won't let her slip away, not ever, forever again.
P/S : This is only fiction, not related to anyone either the living or the dead. Just enjoy as it is intended to be :). Have a good day.
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